The days drip past like rains on window. Washing my sill of guilt and queries.
Unsure of what I want, even. I feel I'm asking for something that is too intangible to grasp. Confusing, refusing, amusing myself with ponderings of possibilities. The options are endless, and the waves are relentless. The winds are strong and I soar with them, not resisting the change of direction or emotion. My negra puppy spoons my arm, breathing sleeping being warmth. Trusting. Loving. And beginning again. Tomorrow awaits the sun's shine and I am wrapped in rapture!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
bedazzle you, bedazzling me...
Music drips from the fingertips as cool as jazz guitar rhythms cry.
Feet find fault in the celebrity waltz.
Heart stretches out into full extension like a pink balloon.
Mind flutters from thought to thought like a butterfly twitters.
Body heals the itchy hurt as cigarette smoke fumes.
Words babble fluidly as streams of consciousness peruse indexes of my past.
Faith is restored like recycled art renews.
Semicolons are used in questionable combination with colons.
Love is made one day at a time like circus' come to town.
City blooms are found amidst the cold and steel as love shacks are in woods.
I am happy as my dog curls up in warmth like a kitty cat back scratch.
.....
amen.
Feet find fault in the celebrity waltz.
Heart stretches out into full extension like a pink balloon.
Mind flutters from thought to thought like a butterfly twitters.
Body heals the itchy hurt as cigarette smoke fumes.
Words babble fluidly as streams of consciousness peruse indexes of my past.
Faith is restored like recycled art renews.
Semicolons are used in questionable combination with colons.
Love is made one day at a time like circus' come to town.
City blooms are found amidst the cold and steel as love shacks are in woods.
I am happy as my dog curls up in warmth like a kitty cat back scratch.
.....
amen.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The beauty of a birthday...
is nothing compared to the beauty you give me in my life. I curl up, delicately, every moment we have had together and tuck it away in a preserving jar of delightful memories. There is room for more and there is hope for many, no matter the space between, there is always a place in my heart for you to be. I love you!!
Not wanting to waste a scrap or bit of parcel, I type into the ether instead, and cross my eyes to oblivion wishing the vision of what is right in front of me were clearer. It would be real if I held it in my hands and tinkered with the lace laid on the page, and the precise lettering needed for words to breathe life, and the heart that lives in my fingertips and pervades every ounce of sparkle within me.
Instead I lay, in soft fuzzy me-ness, the neediness of seeing to believe is curiously... gone.
Not wanting to waste a scrap or bit of parcel, I type into the ether instead, and cross my eyes to oblivion wishing the vision of what is right in front of me were clearer. It would be real if I held it in my hands and tinkered with the lace laid on the page, and the precise lettering needed for words to breathe life, and the heart that lives in my fingertips and pervades every ounce of sparkle within me.
Instead I lay, in soft fuzzy me-ness, the neediness of seeing to believe is curiously... gone.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
An accurate reflection of my heart's landscape...
It has been a rosy road all along. Definitely full of bumps and construction, and high altitude climbing; but there have also been moments of free wheeling downhill cruises, and straightaways where I have been allowed to view some unbelievable sunsets (and sunrises). I must remember the beauty amongst all the tears. The joy I have felt in balance to the sorrow. The bitter with the sweet. Why stay in a place that breeds insecurity and unfulfillment just for lack of something better/else? Clearing out this trunk of memories allows me to be free in thought and action and create space for newness and awesomeness that is right around the bend. My goal today is to be flexible and fluid and to LET GO of expectations and boxes I assume ARE me. They are experiences I have had, but do not define who I am. I am always Truesatori. I am always a lover. And I have had spiritual awakenings. And I have had loves. They were all there as education. To better develop the understanding of my soul. And there are many more for me to have. This life ain't over anytime soon, so I need to pick up my bootstraps and trudge on, through the muck AND the flowers. I can let go of some things and I can hold on to others... but the most important things is for me to never lose myself. Never lose the love for yourself. That is deserved and the only thing you can expect. Hearts torn to pieces over uncontrollable events are evil's best opportunity to infiltrate. You must begin to fill all the holes and keep all the joy growing constantly. This is my moonshine for the evening.
Crazy for feeling so bleu...
This is stupid. I don't want to be apart from you. This loneliness factor is a trump card. I want to be in your company and sleep next to you at night. I'm so tempted to call you right now and say this. But I have a hankering that even if I told you this, that your response would be lack the emotion and not include "I miss you too". Blah! I wish you did. I wish you were able to see my awesomeness and want to be a part of it, but you don't, at least not in the way of my terms, so we break up. And this is where I find myself today.
-----
A full moon discussion that culminated in tears and hugs and thank you's but no's. Oh to be at the beginning again, and see all that would happen down our road. I wish we were more like parenthesis. and didn't need ellipsis as often as I use punctuation like these. I am surrounded by trees of cheese and reciprocity, yet i don't want to give, I only want to take.
I wish I had a billion friends, but there is only a few, and I feel like crying, but not infront of them... so I hibernate. But want to get the hell out of here and take a walk. I wish I had taken him on a hike. I also though I had 350 laying around somewhere... oh fuck!
-----
A full moon discussion that culminated in tears and hugs and thank you's but no's. Oh to be at the beginning again, and see all that would happen down our road. I wish we were more like parenthesis. and didn't need ellipsis as often as I use punctuation like these. I am surrounded by trees of cheese and reciprocity, yet i don't want to give, I only want to take.
I wish I had a billion friends, but there is only a few, and I feel like crying, but not infront of them... so I hibernate. But want to get the hell out of here and take a walk. I wish I had taken him on a hike. I also though I had 350 laying around somewhere... oh fuck!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
feeling lost...
Trying to work out my boredom. Filling it with guitar playing, song writing, crafting and sewing, yet something is still missing. Wanting to move on from my current relationship, and naturally fearful of that. Missing everything as it whizzes past me, and wondering where my balance went, or if I even ever had it before. Contentment has never seemed more ideal.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
epitome of random ramblings...
Long driving roads
ahead
Song on repeat in my
head
Laying lonely on Sloane's
bed
I have no more
dreads.
--
20th century lead by Bukowski and this nonsense comes forth.
I dreamed a dream where rainbows were black and clouds were rainbow...
and Sloane was in the garage fixing a bicycle.
Ho hum.
Flower drum song.
ahead
Song on repeat in my
head
Laying lonely on Sloane's
bed
I have no more
dreads.
--
20th century lead by Bukowski and this nonsense comes forth.
I dreamed a dream where rainbows were black and clouds were rainbow...
and Sloane was in the garage fixing a bicycle.
Ho hum.
Flower drum song.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
la luna in prose...
The way the pregnant moon hung like a babe swaddled in luminescence reminded me of future truths unspoken.
Visions of lies were alive that night and my soul could not face them. I prayed honesty would prevail and falsehoods would vanish like breath in thin air as I looked into the mirror at what had always been right in front of me.
I am suspicious.
And insecure.
And too blase too be upset with the other for making me feel so helpless.
I need to be more responsible.
And I haven't given my life everything I've got.
Nor my love.
MY love.
My very own self-awarded rightly due love.
I am here tonight curled up in my bed and somewhat retardedly believing a man can change all that in me. And sheepishly understanding that it is only up to me.
We dream to believe everything we are not taught. That windows can sometimes have doors in them, and unicorns often wear boots.
What have I come to learn in this passing of a year's "time"?
What question am I still asking?
What am I willing to hear?
I don't know yet. But I do know that I certainly don't need or want to apologize for asking questions, whether they be philosophical ones or emotional ones regarding my relationship with WS. I am a woman who chooses to ask questions regardless of how "silly" they might sound to the non-thinker. I am curious... and caring... in that curiosity- and it should be perfectly perfect in the long run. I am not just seeking an instant response nor do I want to create messiness. I don't know how I will react when I hear the answer, but witholding thoughts like this is allowing the fear of the outcome to hold me back. There is no harm in loving somebody because you want to love. and want to love them. There is the chance they won't reciprocate, but that is the chance I am willing to take a leap for!
So dive!
Dive into Medusa's exotica, where thoughts twirl and wheels whirl every second of every day of every lifetime @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@<3
Visions of lies were alive that night and my soul could not face them. I prayed honesty would prevail and falsehoods would vanish like breath in thin air as I looked into the mirror at what had always been right in front of me.
I am suspicious.
And insecure.
And too blase too be upset with the other for making me feel so helpless.
I need to be more responsible.
And I haven't given my life everything I've got.
Nor my love.
MY love.
My very own self-awarded rightly due love.
I am here tonight curled up in my bed and somewhat retardedly believing a man can change all that in me. And sheepishly understanding that it is only up to me.
We dream to believe everything we are not taught. That windows can sometimes have doors in them, and unicorns often wear boots.
What have I come to learn in this passing of a year's "time"?
What question am I still asking?
What am I willing to hear?
I don't know yet. But I do know that I certainly don't need or want to apologize for asking questions, whether they be philosophical ones or emotional ones regarding my relationship with WS. I am a woman who chooses to ask questions regardless of how "silly" they might sound to the non-thinker. I am curious... and caring... in that curiosity- and it should be perfectly perfect in the long run. I am not just seeking an instant response nor do I want to create messiness. I don't know how I will react when I hear the answer, but witholding thoughts like this is allowing the fear of the outcome to hold me back. There is no harm in loving somebody because you want to love. and want to love them. There is the chance they won't reciprocate, but that is the chance I am willing to take a leap for!
So dive!
Dive into Medusa's exotica, where thoughts twirl and wheels whirl every second of every day of every lifetime @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@<3
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I just wanted to see the ocean...
so I leaped from my dreams of cotton tufts and rainbows and rode the yellow crystal sun wearing my silver unicorn boots.
****
Asleep in reality but wide awake in my dreams, I began searching for the life force that flows throughout every living thing, but few have knowledge of. If I let you in on my sleepy secret, it must remain just that, a sleepy secret only shared with those who seek. And those who seek should only hear when they've given up everything in what they feel is a vain cause, and find themselves where they began.
The life force that creates new forms without even having hands, is... love.
So, here my journey continues.
My auburn ropes were draped across velvet pillows in a loose sprawl of chaos. My body still, but for my breath, and my mind secretly racing the universe, as if riding a unicorn across galaxies. In this envisioned position did I leap from my princess-like pad and out the window into the salty air of Salfruestra. Scents of sauceyness wafting up from the local pubs and filling my dream-sails made of lace and other silky-things. To the west I floated, for that was the way to all dreamers expanses.
****
Asleep in reality but wide awake in my dreams, I began searching for the life force that flows throughout every living thing, but few have knowledge of. If I let you in on my sleepy secret, it must remain just that, a sleepy secret only shared with those who seek. And those who seek should only hear when they've given up everything in what they feel is a vain cause, and find themselves where they began.
The life force that creates new forms without even having hands, is... love.
So, here my journey continues.
My auburn ropes were draped across velvet pillows in a loose sprawl of chaos. My body still, but for my breath, and my mind secretly racing the universe, as if riding a unicorn across galaxies. In this envisioned position did I leap from my princess-like pad and out the window into the salty air of Salfruestra. Scents of sauceyness wafting up from the local pubs and filling my dream-sails made of lace and other silky-things. To the west I floated, for that was the way to all dreamers expanses.
smoking puppies... what a terrible thought.
Puppy pee woke me up this morning. She seems to be acting out of her normal character, which is natural I suppose- we are all adjusting in our own ways to this city life. Where all I feel like doing is sleeping, all she wants to do is explore. She is so used to playing with other dogs and running free, and now I must make the effort to socialize her and allow her the opportunity to exercise as much as she is used to (or damn near close).
*****
"Had someone told me about 'dog love' I never would have bothered with all the other kinds"
*****
Puppy love is the newest kind of love for me.
It's endless love from sea to kind of sea for me.
The puppy smiles,
the puppy cries,
and sometimes has to wait for me.
I love this puppy and everything she do, does she have the same love for me
If she could speak, she'd say 'yippee, this is awesome,
My momma loves me for me.'
*****
My hands are chilled down to the bone
Something like a smoking gun they raise the flag of American Spirit
To two lips that one says are very good kissers
Some days I fear that this motion will cause my dove to fly away
My dove says he prefers jamie on my lips, but that's another story
My breath expands like a hot air balloon
and lungs are filled with noxious, toxic, fumes
For some reason I believe it is heaven
If anyone heard me say that, half might agree
the other half would fly the coop
My swirling warm crimson life slows and dwindles to a trickle
I'm sure on one of those new fangled electro gizmos, it'd show up blue
I'm dying, they say, one breath at a time
I'm dead already, I reply,
My hands are like ice
Oh cherry don't go out
your the only fire in my life
I've got to stay warm
So I casually ask
Excuse me sir, have you a light
And it works like a charm.
*****
"Had someone told me about 'dog love' I never would have bothered with all the other kinds"
*****
Puppy love is the newest kind of love for me.
It's endless love from sea to kind of sea for me.
The puppy smiles,
the puppy cries,
and sometimes has to wait for me.
I love this puppy and everything she do, does she have the same love for me
If she could speak, she'd say 'yippee, this is awesome,
My momma loves me for me.'
*****
My hands are chilled down to the bone
Something like a smoking gun they raise the flag of American Spirit
To two lips that one says are very good kissers
Some days I fear that this motion will cause my dove to fly away
My dove says he prefers jamie on my lips, but that's another story
My breath expands like a hot air balloon
and lungs are filled with noxious, toxic, fumes
For some reason I believe it is heaven
If anyone heard me say that, half might agree
the other half would fly the coop
My swirling warm crimson life slows and dwindles to a trickle
I'm sure on one of those new fangled electro gizmos, it'd show up blue
I'm dying, they say, one breath at a time
I'm dead already, I reply,
My hands are like ice
Oh cherry don't go out
your the only fire in my life
I've got to stay warm
So I casually ask
Excuse me sir, have you a light
And it works like a charm.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Just try to crack this love...
Back again and happy to be home!!! The doggbone envelopes me with its warm sturdiness I have been eager to sense. Love and many brunches assure me that I have made the right choice and it will be as fantastic as ever. Poetry invigorates my soul once again, so I will have another crack at it....
Searching out the cracks in the sidewalk help to heal my heart.
Where I once put a distant resistance, I now seek, inavoidably
Sealing seams of love cement with the stumble of my rambling toes.
{Like the needle to an eye, or a thread to this theory}
I zip and unzip, furl and unfurl, stitch and unstitch
the ravels that have come before and contained me in a size too small.
My love is the creator of the Infinity Church.
And in this infinite church I create my love
complete with cement, cracks, steps, and closeness...
like never before-
we live and learn and love like this.
Take a crack at that!!!
Searching out the cracks in the sidewalk help to heal my heart.
Where I once put a distant resistance, I now seek, inavoidably
Sealing seams of love cement with the stumble of my rambling toes.
{Like the needle to an eye, or a thread to this theory}
I zip and unzip, furl and unfurl, stitch and unstitch
the ravels that have come before and contained me in a size too small.
My love is the creator of the Infinity Church.
And in this infinite church I create my love
complete with cement, cracks, steps, and closeness...
like never before-
we live and learn and love like this.
Take a crack at that!!!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
verbal diarrhea not suitable in an email to a lover...
It begins with my comparing the arrangement we have with his and Karin's. I see it as unfair, that she didn't invest anything into it at the beginning, and has put time into it 'here and there' throughout, and finally, comes up only when there is a finished product and will be compensated the same as me. When I discussed everything with Ryan in the beginning, my compensation would have been different had I done it her way. And there are a few things that we discussed would be provided and were difficult to obtain and/or not provided. Lastly, he said he'll take care of everyone else's and then ours. I feel that I have put a lot of effort out during all of this and he is forgetting that what is mine is his too. It doesn't really matter because I wasn't relying on him for this part of it, but it still felt like a snub. So all these things that I haven't vocalized are adding up and then sharing this small space with so many people is what is driving me crazy. (or this is what I am telling myself today)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I said it's 4:30!
What is is about timing and departures that I have major trouble with?
Maybe it is the fear of missing out of the next happening in the place I am leaving. Or maybe it is the inevitable end and beginning moments, that define new chapters in life, that I have, by example, learned to resist. Whatever the reason- I make a choice and then something comes up and distracts me from my plan. This occurred today when I was getting ready to leave sf for the mountains. I got all ready and then phoned a friend who said he was heading down this way and we should meet in Santa Rosa for a live show. I thought very little and then responded 'okay'. In hindsight, I forgot about this puppy phenomenon, I now have saddled to my hip, and must make accomodations for. No more living at the breath of the wind. No more gypsyesque behavior until this puppy goes potty properly.
more later...
Maybe it is the fear of missing out of the next happening in the place I am leaving. Or maybe it is the inevitable end and beginning moments, that define new chapters in life, that I have, by example, learned to resist. Whatever the reason- I make a choice and then something comes up and distracts me from my plan. This occurred today when I was getting ready to leave sf for the mountains. I got all ready and then phoned a friend who said he was heading down this way and we should meet in Santa Rosa for a live show. I thought very little and then responded 'okay'. In hindsight, I forgot about this puppy phenomenon, I now have saddled to my hip, and must make accomodations for. No more living at the breath of the wind. No more gypsyesque behavior until this puppy goes potty properly.
more later...
ce la vie here or there or everywhere!
I am having a flashback to post-burning man days and not just because it's that time of year. but I am in sf and it's feeling (and even smelling) like september. and i am at desi's house, where i stayed for a few days post the mayhem. and then i see GG. and how aproupo that i see GG leaving the city all packed up and heading to gerlach. same time last year we were doing it together. I don't even live here and that's the visual i see having not even seen him for nearly a year. how amazingly appropriate. i love the universe and it's ridiculous alignments. closure of sorts. i sent him off into the wild desert with a simple hand thrown up and a 'have fun!' that's all i can do or say, and that is what i truly hope for him. I cannot contain my laughter though at the synchronicity of our souls. and the narrowly missing each other every time. ce la vie!!! ce la vie!!!!!!!
my sweet puppy
is black as the night
my sweet puppy is sly like a ninja
my sweet puppy's name was perfectly chosen by the universe
my sweet puppy has an appetite for squirreling, fetching, and nipping
she's just a puppy though
and my sweet puppy just wants to love you
my sweet puppy prefers to poop on white carpets
my sweet puppy showed up on my doorstep like a gift
my sweet puppy is the cutest when she's sleeping
she's just a puppy though
wait until she's full grown :)
my sweet puppy is sly like a ninja
my sweet puppy's name was perfectly chosen by the universe
my sweet puppy has an appetite for squirreling, fetching, and nipping
she's just a puppy though
and my sweet puppy just wants to love you
my sweet puppy prefers to poop on white carpets
my sweet puppy showed up on my doorstep like a gift
my sweet puppy is the cutest when she's sleeping
she's just a puppy though
wait until she's full grown :)
just being around you...
underneath you
near you
or beside you
brings comfort and wonderment to my every breath
just seeing things with you
through you
all over you
made by you
invokes inspiration and amusement at my every turn
-----
I care deeply for this beautiful earthy humble man. I have no real sense of what we are past tomorrow. but this is good. and presently all that is possible. I will keep the excitement at a level I can enjoy and keep him still pleasantly surprised with delightful dalliances in delerium. love and more love.
near you
or beside you
brings comfort and wonderment to my every breath
just seeing things with you
through you
all over you
made by you
invokes inspiration and amusement at my every turn
-----
I care deeply for this beautiful earthy humble man. I have no real sense of what we are past tomorrow. but this is good. and presently all that is possible. I will keep the excitement at a level I can enjoy and keep him still pleasantly surprised with delightful dalliances in delerium. love and more love.
Monday, June 29, 2009
loving is giving...
I am trying to understand the impermanence of time. Or the substance of time. Einstein is my teacher.
So is educator Leo Buscaglia, but for different reasons. He is an educator who speaks about living with awe as a loving individual and humanity's need for intimacy and sharing life wisdom with everyone, because that is how we grow too, that is the continuance of our learning. And do this NOW! Be present! Marvel at the universe's magic!
And regarding love, Saint-Exupery is another teacher... "Perhaps love is my leading you gently back to yourself."
How's that for some wisdom!!!!
So is educator Leo Buscaglia, but for different reasons. He is an educator who speaks about living with awe as a loving individual and humanity's need for intimacy and sharing life wisdom with everyone, because that is how we grow too, that is the continuance of our learning. And do this NOW! Be present! Marvel at the universe's magic!
And regarding love, Saint-Exupery is another teacher... "Perhaps love is my leading you gently back to yourself."
How's that for some wisdom!!!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I think I have created a chaos in my mind all my own...
Egads! It's been a long long while. I have missed the ease of writing then posting, writing then posting, writing then posting, repeat.
Big changes. Big loves. Big llamas. I have moved to my summer home made of plywood and nylon. It has a beautiful vista I have yet to really take in. The next morning I plan to wake early and pay my devoirs to the slow surrender of sunrise. And to boot- I am buying a llama to keep on this land. Crazy I know. I also have a bit of a wrinkle in my love parade. It involves two good men not aware of each other. How have I begotten in this mess? I assume the retraction of my emotions and advances are words enough to explain what I already know. But as usual the one really nice guy I didn't want to hurt, will in fact be the one that I will certainly let down if truth be told. That terrible truth written- I feel even more terrible saying what I will next... I like my Window Sill a lot. And this 'far apartness' that I was totally aware of before we got involved, is fucking annoying. I was feeling major frustration yesterday, because we had just missed each other in town and then cut out on a phone call or two. And since time and place has a coordinator with an evil sense of humor and we just didn't line up enough to see each other, then I would have really liked to talk to him. I guess I need a little more connection than we've been having. And I really want him to extend himself just a bit more to me. Mostly just come to my new summer home, even for two days. I feel slightly 'expected' or 'taken for granted', which is a common theme I noticed with GG too. I know there is a lesson in this though. With GG he was just too darn available, and we spent every moment together, however, when I could have had another person like that with 'of the dawn' it didn't suit me and now with Window Sill, we have less free time to spend frolicking (for lack of a better word) and I crave his company so much more. I really enjoy spending our nights together and doing daily activities with my partner. I'm over this separation thing. When we are together we do all those things a couple in a relationship would do, only we have days between them where there is very little contact. The time we are apart creates anxiety and frustration within me so much so that those moments we have together are clouded with my anger and insecurities, instead of creating a stronger desire and appreciation for the time we do get to spend together. What is this poor girl to do? If I want to give, give, but don't expect the exact same kind of giving in return. I need to stop second guessing my actions/emotions and stop assuming I know what he is thinking. I should just ask him if HE ever gets frustrated by this too. And ask what he hopes for between us. Simple as that.
Big changes. Big loves. Big llamas. I have moved to my summer home made of plywood and nylon. It has a beautiful vista I have yet to really take in. The next morning I plan to wake early and pay my devoirs to the slow surrender of sunrise. And to boot- I am buying a llama to keep on this land. Crazy I know. I also have a bit of a wrinkle in my love parade. It involves two good men not aware of each other. How have I begotten in this mess? I assume the retraction of my emotions and advances are words enough to explain what I already know. But as usual the one really nice guy I didn't want to hurt, will in fact be the one that I will certainly let down if truth be told. That terrible truth written- I feel even more terrible saying what I will next... I like my Window Sill a lot. And this 'far apartness' that I was totally aware of before we got involved, is fucking annoying. I was feeling major frustration yesterday, because we had just missed each other in town and then cut out on a phone call or two. And since time and place has a coordinator with an evil sense of humor and we just didn't line up enough to see each other, then I would have really liked to talk to him. I guess I need a little more connection than we've been having. And I really want him to extend himself just a bit more to me. Mostly just come to my new summer home, even for two days. I feel slightly 'expected' or 'taken for granted', which is a common theme I noticed with GG too. I know there is a lesson in this though. With GG he was just too darn available, and we spent every moment together, however, when I could have had another person like that with 'of the dawn' it didn't suit me and now with Window Sill, we have less free time to spend frolicking (for lack of a better word) and I crave his company so much more. I really enjoy spending our nights together and doing daily activities with my partner. I'm over this separation thing. When we are together we do all those things a couple in a relationship would do, only we have days between them where there is very little contact. The time we are apart creates anxiety and frustration within me so much so that those moments we have together are clouded with my anger and insecurities, instead of creating a stronger desire and appreciation for the time we do get to spend together. What is this poor girl to do? If I want to give, give, but don't expect the exact same kind of giving in return. I need to stop second guessing my actions/emotions and stop assuming I know what he is thinking. I should just ask him if HE ever gets frustrated by this too. And ask what he hopes for between us. Simple as that.
Monday, May 11, 2009
good times forever...
Dan Brown days... now those were special times!
---
I am happily living in the mountains and the mauntains are living in me. There is no other place right now that speaks to my soul the way nature does. I am learning more about life then I have ever thought possible. Here. Now. Loving. And living. Expressing. And enjoying. Letting winds guide my hot air balloon and pink heart shaped balloon.
---
I am happily living in the mountains and the mauntains are living in me. There is no other place right now that speaks to my soul the way nature does. I am learning more about life then I have ever thought possible. Here. Now. Loving. And living. Expressing. And enjoying. Letting winds guide my hot air balloon and pink heart shaped balloon.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
waiting
]4/14/06
As I sit and wait
And wait
And wait
And weigh the options…
Stay in
Go out
Stay put
Go far
I [cannot help but] conceptualize where my anticipation comes from
It comes from the memory of my pasts
From a dream still in the future
From reality…
While…
It adds more
weight
to my shoulders
I have been here before, I recall
I recall and retell,
I have seen this all before
I have known this reaction and been dealt this same hand
Once before, I remind myself
And there is nothing left for me to do but weigh the odds
Calculate chances
Will the outcome be the same if I…
Stay in
Go out
Stay put
Go far
So I wait
And wait
And wait
For a new deal
For a call
For a change
And when I get the call, it is not at all what I expected
As I sit and wait
And wait
And wait
And weigh the options…
Stay in
Go out
Stay put
Go far
I [cannot help but] conceptualize where my anticipation comes from
It comes from the memory of my pasts
From a dream still in the future
From reality…
While…
It adds more
weight
to my shoulders
I have been here before, I recall
I recall and retell,
I have seen this all before
I have known this reaction and been dealt this same hand
Once before, I remind myself
And there is nothing left for me to do but weigh the odds
Calculate chances
Will the outcome be the same if I…
Stay in
Go out
Stay put
Go far
So I wait
And wait
And wait
For a new deal
For a call
For a change
And when I get the call, it is not at all what I expected
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