la luna in prose...

The way the pregnant moon hung like a babe swaddled in luminescence reminded me of future truths unspoken.
Visions of lies were alive that night and my soul could not face them. I prayed honesty would prevail and falsehoods would vanish like breath in thin air as I looked into the mirror at what had always been right in front of me.

I am suspicious.
And insecure.
And too blase too be upset with the other for making me feel so helpless.
I need to be more responsible.
And I haven't given my life everything I've got.
Nor my love.
MY love.
My very own self-awarded rightly due love.

I am here tonight curled up in my bed and somewhat retardedly believing a man can change all that in me. And sheepishly understanding that it is only up to me.

We dream to believe everything we are not taught. That windows can sometimes have doors in them, and unicorns often wear boots.

What have I come to learn in this passing of a year's "time"?

What question am I still asking?


What am I willing to hear?


I don't know yet. But I do know that I certainly don't need or want to apologize for asking questions, whether they be philosophical ones or emotional ones regarding my relationship with WS. I am a woman who chooses to ask questions regardless of how "silly" they might sound to the non-thinker. I am curious... and caring... in that curiosity- and it should be perfectly perfect in the long run. I am not just seeking an instant response nor do I want to create messiness. I don't know how I will react when I hear the answer, but witholding thoughts like this is allowing the fear of the outcome to hold me back. There is no harm in loving somebody because you want to love. and want to love them. There is the chance they won't reciprocate, but that is the chance I am willing to take a leap for!

So dive!
Dive into Medusa's exotica, where thoughts twirl and wheels whirl every second of every day of every lifetime @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@<3

I just wanted to see the ocean...

so I leaped from my dreams of cotton tufts and rainbows and rode the yellow crystal sun wearing my silver unicorn boots.

****

Asleep in reality but wide awake in my dreams, I began searching for the life force that flows throughout every living thing, but few have knowledge of. If I let you in on my sleepy secret, it must remain just that, a sleepy secret only shared with those who seek. And those who seek should only hear when they've given up everything in what they feel is a vain cause, and find themselves where they began.

The life force that creates new forms without even having hands, is... love.
So, here my journey continues.

My auburn ropes were draped across velvet pillows in a loose sprawl of chaos. My body still, but for my breath, and my mind secretly racing the universe, as if riding a unicorn across galaxies. In this envisioned position did I leap from my princess-like pad and out the window into the salty air of Salfruestra. Scents of sauceyness wafting up from the local pubs and filling my dream-sails made of lace and other silky-things. To the west I floated, for that was the way to all dreamers expanses.

smoking puppies... what a terrible thought.

Puppy pee woke me up this morning. She seems to be acting out of her normal character, which is natural I suppose- we are all adjusting in our own ways to this city life. Where all I feel like doing is sleeping, all she wants to do is explore. She is so used to playing with other dogs and running free, and now I must make the effort to socialize her and allow her the opportunity to exercise as much as she is used to (or damn near close).

*****

"Had someone told me about 'dog love' I never would have bothered with all the other kinds"

*****

Puppy love is the newest kind of love for me.
It's endless love from sea to kind of sea for me.
The puppy smiles,
the puppy cries,
and sometimes has to wait for me.
I love this puppy and everything she do, does she have the same love for me
If she could speak, she'd say 'yippee, this is awesome,
My momma loves me for me.'

*****

My hands are chilled down to the bone
Something like a smoking gun they raise the flag of American Spirit
To two lips that one says are very good kissers
Some days I fear that this motion will cause my dove to fly away
My dove says he prefers jamie on my lips, but that's another story
My breath expands like a hot air balloon
and lungs are filled with noxious, toxic, fumes
For some reason I believe it is heaven
If anyone heard me say that, half might agree
the other half would fly the coop
My swirling warm crimson life slows and dwindles to a trickle
I'm sure on one of those new fangled electro gizmos, it'd show up blue
I'm dying, they say, one breath at a time
I'm dead already, I reply,
My hands are like ice
Oh cherry don't go out
your the only fire in my life
I've got to stay warm
So I casually ask
Excuse me sir, have you a light
And it works like a charm.

Just try to crack this love...

Back again and happy to be home!!! The doggbone envelopes me with its warm sturdiness I have been eager to sense. Love and many brunches assure me that I have made the right choice and it will be as fantastic as ever. Poetry invigorates my soul once again, so I will have another crack at it....



Searching out the cracks in the sidewalk help to heal my heart.
Where I once put a distant resistance, I now seek, inavoidably
Sealing seams of love cement with the stumble of my rambling toes.
{Like the needle to an eye, or a thread to this theory}
I zip and unzip, furl and unfurl, stitch and unstitch
the ravels that have come before and contained me in a size too small.
My love is the creator of the Infinity Church.
And in this infinite church I create my love
complete with cement, cracks, steps, and closeness...
like never before-
we live and learn and love like this.
Take a crack at that!!!