An accurate reflection of my heart's landscape...

It has been a rosy road all along. Definitely full of bumps and construction, and high altitude climbing; but there have also been moments of free wheeling downhill cruises, and straightaways where I have been allowed to view some unbelievable sunsets (and sunrises). I must remember the beauty amongst all the tears. The joy I have felt in balance to the sorrow. The bitter with the sweet. Why stay in a place that breeds insecurity and unfulfillment just for lack of something better/else? Clearing out this trunk of memories allows me to be free in thought and action and create space for newness and awesomeness that is right around the bend. My goal today is to be flexible and fluid and to LET GO of expectations and boxes I assume ARE me. They are experiences I have had, but do not define who I am. I am always Truesatori. I am always a lover. And I have had spiritual awakenings. And I have had loves. They were all there as education. To better develop the understanding of my soul. And there are many more for me to have. This life ain't over anytime soon, so I need to pick up my bootstraps and trudge on, through the muck AND the flowers. I can let go of some things and I can hold on to others... but the most important things is for me to never lose myself. Never lose the love for yourself. That is deserved and the only thing you can expect. Hearts torn to pieces over uncontrollable events are evil's best opportunity to infiltrate. You must begin to fill all the holes and keep all the joy growing constantly. This is my moonshine for the evening.

Crazy for feeling so bleu...

This is stupid. I don't want to be apart from you. This loneliness factor is a trump card. I want to be in your company and sleep next to you at night. I'm so tempted to call you right now and say this. But I have a hankering that even if I told you this, that your response would be lack the emotion and not include "I miss you too". Blah! I wish you did. I wish you were able to see my awesomeness and want to be a part of it, but you don't, at least not in the way of my terms, so we break up. And this is where I find myself today.
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A full moon discussion that culminated in tears and hugs and thank you's but no's. Oh to be at the beginning again, and see all that would happen down our road. I wish we were more like parenthesis. and didn't need ellipsis as often as I use punctuation like these. I am surrounded by trees of cheese and reciprocity, yet i don't want to give, I only want to take.

I wish I had a billion friends, but there is only a few, and I feel like crying, but not infront of them... so I hibernate. But want to get the hell out of here and take a walk. I wish I had taken him on a hike. I also though I had 350 laying around somewhere... oh fuck!

feeling lost...

Trying to work out my boredom. Filling it with guitar playing, song writing, crafting and sewing, yet something is still missing. Wanting to move on from my current relationship, and naturally fearful of that. Missing everything as it whizzes past me, and wondering where my balance went, or if I even ever had it before. Contentment has never seemed more ideal.