I live in the earthquake state...

Insecurities are beginning to reveal themselves. Or ingrain themselves. Get out! Shut up! I want to enjoy the unfolding of every day. Recieve it like an unexpected package. Sealed with a kiss from wax lips. I need to regain my worth, I want to know my strength. And show my love I can love. Me. Him. You. Us. I am my own love, I wouldn't be created/I wouldn't exist if I didn't love myself. I mean in a micro and macro evolution way. I couldn't be the light I am if I didn't have love for myself. And according to the string theory, or how I percieve the string theory to work, I wouldn't exist with out the binding that love allows us to fall into. A suspension created by the push and pull of energy. Pureness. Joy. Sadness. Balance. Balance is created by the counteractive movement amongst similar moving elements. Every action has a reaction.... wait, science won't help me explain this thought.

Sometimes I am afraid that there is one thing I'll do, that will make VV not love me. I want to be secure in myself enough to realize that only I can change this prophecy. Snide comments hurt my feelings. I am thankful to have a few moments to be with myself. Our relationship has been so intense and constant since we met, that I have had little time to step away and ask myself if this is what I want. Sitting here, I am confident that he, and this, iS what I want, but my fear remains in my past experiences, me constantly saying "I don't know how to do this!" I am not romantic enough, does he like romance even, what can I do to be better. I feel like what I have to give right now is not enough. This is why I need to approach it in a new way that expresses my own self love. I don't have time to hang out with my friends, because he plans in so much advance, that when I find out things that are going on with my people, I am already booked. I want to share him with my life. Or rather, I want to share my life with him. And I haven't quite found that balance yet. I need to balance/smooth/create my new relationship with St. I suppose I didn't have time to do that. We were not coordinating and not communicating effectively and then he left for the weekend, and then all fell into place naturally. But unfortunately left St. out of the loop. Sometimes, you have to know when to stay or go. And he goes. And I stayed. 'And that has made all the difference.'

Two paths, many paths, one way.
Open your eyes, and you will be pleased and distracted along the way.
Keep them closed and the signs will direct you to your light.
Feel your way through life.
Speak your way through truth.
Touch your way through to the heart.
Sing and dance your way into ecstatic oblivion.
See your way as forward not straight.
Taste your way through breathy kisses.
Listen for your way when the trees rustle.
When the doves cry.
When the horn is blaring.
When you can't shut the world up, turn it up louder. And shake with it.
Earthquakes Mistake::
is that we all were born to dance.

----
Well, he went. I stayed. Now he is staying. And I am off.
Stagnant vs. life
later vs now

If only he knew. If only I could explain. Do I need to explain? Can I explain? I am in it, the way a diving bell suspends in the ocean, and it suspends the divers life. I am bouyant. I am filled. I have the breath that gives life. I give life. I am life. But is that enough for love. (Or replace all those 'life's with 'love' and that 'love' with 'life')

Not even a full month, and I feel like my life has been taken over. I am trying to integrate it. I want to be a person who is happy in a relationship. Instead of feeling tied down, always on someone else's schedule, I want to plan my own schedule, and feel as though the hot air balloon is always lifting. Opening new views, exploring everywhere, tasting everything, being all and all being. I am me. Love.

----
I am done.

Guitar strings stroked by sunburnt hands...

makes hot music.

and my dreams were whisked away by reality...

Facing the music in dance livity
Walking shoulder to shoulder in this city
Thoughts are spoken inevitiably
And we bloom radiantly.

Days spent smiling.
In comfort
in embrace
in good company
in this rat race.

Nothing is lost,
the way is just beginning to be lit
lamp by lamp
the darkness fades
and we breathe light.

Beauty is exposed for all that it isn't
and is
And unfurls it's warm embrace for us to feel.

((And my dreams were whisked away by reality))

My feet began this journey
trudging the deep dark streets
And I will walk forward to seek what I cannot see, but I know/believe.

My hair is only exterior.

Good things come to those that wait... really.

VV!

Love has a funny way of spilling over when you think you've had too much.
Or not enough.

The sun is always shining.
God is in your own heart.
Guides are on every corner.
Lives are simply lived.
Kisses freely given.
I love.