New Years oh, New Years... my thoughts are always mixed about you. What is the hype all for? Year after year it aggrandizes and I feel it is almost too big for its britches now. It's as though this day has been snowballing and now sits in the category of overrated and overly expectatious for awhile now. I don't believe in the delusion that we should have just a few select days to celebrate our happiness/greatness/present. I have learned to embrace everyday of life and so this holiday just doesn't resonate with me the way it does with most. Not to say I think other people shouldn't rock out with their cocks out with exuberance. But for me, at this point in my life, I am purely over the expense, pizazz and more often than not, the let downs. Still I hope for a New Year's kiss with a stranger. ANd not a romantic one, I look forward to connecting with someone well enough, that we can share that quick intimate moment. Ring in the new year anyhow because this day comes but once a year!!!! Just imagine the next one :)

Trapped in Paradise?!!

No better way or place to be snowed in for the holiday than in Portland with good friends. I began this journey with the aimless desire to explore the Pacific Northwest... and have learned that aimless wandering often leads to beautiful discoveries. I am not sad to be missing Christmas with my immediate family. I am eager to experience a new Christmas with folks that have always been a bit bohemian in lifestyle and choices. This is the creative flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants that I have yearned for, and only sometimes do I question my validity in this community. My hippieness that I have cultivated for so many years, is tested. Am I able to bring together that community I seek? I am searching for the truth and the proof that I am viable and important enough to reside in the nest of good people. I have always claimed a seperateness from my family, and now that I am physically apart from the family I force myself to be different from, I want them to know how grateful I am to have them and be a part of them. This is a White Christmas like I have never known, and it is frigid, only because I create this reality. I have been needing to open up my heart, forgetting my insecurities, and blossom wherever I lay my head. I am hoping for a splendidly warm, enchantingly quiet, Christmas. I will miss my parent's cooking though. And as soon as I can leave Portland I will. Seattle is an amazing city, and San Francisco, too small, Portland, a wee bit too quiet. I have retreated, and am now eager for that connection. I should call my old love... GG.