Seeking enlightenment with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
Hoping for love to happen, but unable to force the energy that is not easily willed.
Knowing what is needed, and able to ask for it, but not being answered in the way that is desired.
I know what I have to do, I know what I expect of myself, I know the Truth.]
It stares me in the eyes but feels so out of reach.
I am renewed, aware, and eager. Well taken care of, by myself, and by my extended family.
But the man I love is on a downward spiral, though he thinks he is finding enlightenment.
All being, is being all. And awareness of all things surrounding one.
The path is lit, there are guides on every corner, and the mind is ever powerful.
I pray that he sees the light in his ways, and comes to terms with what he has done, or not.
And heals himself mentally, physically, spiritually. I pray he slows down and sobers up.
And I pray his wisdom comes swiftly.
I love him. And knows he loves me. I hope he loves himself enough to realize the direction of his way.
He has powers, he has strength, he has diligence. May he exercise those attributes with honor and virility,
He is a beauty. He is amazing. I hope he makes someone happy! I hope he gains honorable control!
But I wouldn;t change a thing about our experience, because every blessed moment was aligned, and every thought and feeling I had was genuine. I believe one day we both will recognize that. And appreciate that. And feel the warmth from that.
I love you GG!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
I'm not quite ready to write about my experience, but to feel it is to know it. I express my gratitude and thanks to the Burning Man community, DPW, Cobra, Firestarter, Bunnie, Serra, and the folks from Sparseland for the most wonderful and loving welcome home!!!
and then back to my home again!!
I am home. It is blissful!!
and then back to my home again!!
I am home. It is blissful!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The sun has begun to stretch its arms of warmth
and we too begin our journey across the sky
the walls of the past are dissolving
like snowflakes in palms of hands
new avenues are unfolding
cities are rebuilt nowhere and everywhere
there is always warmth in the heart
and always the cold rush from the winds of change
know your strengths
know your perfect path is now
remember what you yourself does greatly
and flourish the way dandelions gently do
prepare for your grand challenger's arrival
and grow roots to withstand the storm
the bridges upon great divides are swaying
and the oceans taunt the crosser
replete with love
containing no remorse
I challenge you to walk the highwire
and dive into medusa's exotica
and we too begin our journey across the sky
the walls of the past are dissolving
like snowflakes in palms of hands
new avenues are unfolding
cities are rebuilt nowhere and everywhere
there is always warmth in the heart
and always the cold rush from the winds of change
know your strengths
know your perfect path is now
remember what you yourself does greatly
and flourish the way dandelions gently do
prepare for your grand challenger's arrival
and grow roots to withstand the storm
the bridges upon great divides are swaying
and the oceans taunt the crosser
replete with love
containing no remorse
I challenge you to walk the highwire
and dive into medusa's exotica
Monday, July 21, 2008
Come with me..
What is next is pushing the pull, and pulling the push. Take it with me. Flow with it. Visualize it. Experience it. Wherever it leads/takes me it will be forward. Onward. Upward. To enlightenment. Love. I love you! No fear, instead power.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
arrivals and departures.... and more arrivals...
Arrive where you are. Look around at what you have created. Revel and reside in it. This is home. Here. Now. Present presence. Beautiful ideas. Creative constructs. Delicious dopiness. Strong will. Female. Powerful! Angels sing you to sleep. Wake you with kisses. You may ruin moments, but will do better from now on. But don't get caught up in the future. Look to what is right in front of you, because that is the real existance and experience. It is staring you in the face. It is mirroring your smile. Your eyes. Yourself. Embrace it. Embrace him. Embrace your heart. Then share it. Wear it. Bare it. Gotta love it!
Mysterious fish, where do you disappear to? Where do you go? Do you go inside? To your heart. The heart baby! The love, it's in you baby! It is you! You are love! Loved! Loving! Lovely!
Paint the things you've dreamt. Dream things you've yet to see! And live to paint!
Open your thoughts to GG. Balance the truth with truth! It can be done. It will be done. As it was done before. By you!
Mysterious fish, where do you disappear to? Where do you go? Do you go inside? To your heart. The heart baby! The love, it's in you baby! It is you! You are love! Loved! Loving! Lovely!
Paint the things you've dreamt. Dream things you've yet to see! And live to paint!
Open your thoughts to GG. Balance the truth with truth! It can be done. It will be done. As it was done before. By you!
edited: I live/love in an earthquake state...
Two paths, many paths, one way.
Open your eyes, and you will be distracted along the way.
Keep them closed, and signs will direct you to your light.
Feel your way through life.
Speak your way through truth.
Touch your way through to the heart.
Sing and dance your way into ecstatic oblivion.
See your way as forward not straight.
Taste your way through breathy kisses.
Listen for your way when the trees rustle.
When the doves mourn.
When the horn is blaring.
When you can't shut the world up, turn it up louder. And shake with it.
Earthquakes Mistake::
is that we all were born to dance.
Open your eyes, and you will be distracted along the way.
Keep them closed, and signs will direct you to your light.
Feel your way through life.
Speak your way through truth.
Touch your way through to the heart.
Sing and dance your way into ecstatic oblivion.
See your way as forward not straight.
Taste your way through breathy kisses.
Listen for your way when the trees rustle.
When the doves mourn.
When the horn is blaring.
When you can't shut the world up, turn it up louder. And shake with it.
Earthquakes Mistake::
is that we all were born to dance.
As the world turns...
the universe opens!
And peace is found in the tranquility of chaos.
Because there IS tranquility amongst chaos.
Let yourself feel it.
Let your light shine so the others in the dark feel the warmth from your breast
Without them having to be there with you.
To look at you.
They'll see you.
You'll see them.
I want to look at you
in you
around you
love you
move you
romance you
entrance you
I'm talking to you
Can't you see?
Do you see yourself?
Do you see?
Seething teeth and wild emotions
can cause a headache
but the beauty after the pain is recognized and
dutifully awaited for whilst always moving forward, with it, in it.
Taste it!
Revel in it!
Bedazzle it!
Become who you are!
Live for yourself so others may live for you.
Love yourself so others may love you!
Share the love.
Experience the love.
Delve into the love!
Delve!
Delve!
Delve!
Love!
Love!
Love!
And off we go....
And peace is found in the tranquility of chaos.
Because there IS tranquility amongst chaos.
Let yourself feel it.
Let your light shine so the others in the dark feel the warmth from your breast
Without them having to be there with you.
To look at you.
They'll see you.
You'll see them.
I want to look at you
in you
around you
love you
move you
romance you
entrance you
I'm talking to you
Can't you see?
Do you see yourself?
Do you see?
Seething teeth and wild emotions
can cause a headache
but the beauty after the pain is recognized and
dutifully awaited for whilst always moving forward, with it, in it.
Taste it!
Revel in it!
Bedazzle it!
Become who you are!
Live for yourself so others may live for you.
Love yourself so others may love you!
Share the love.
Experience the love.
Delve into the love!
Delve!
Delve!
Delve!
Love!
Love!
Love!
And off we go....
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I live in the earthquake state...
Insecurities are beginning to reveal themselves. Or ingrain themselves. Get out! Shut up! I want to enjoy the unfolding of every day. Recieve it like an unexpected package. Sealed with a kiss from wax lips. I need to regain my worth, I want to know my strength. And show my love I can love. Me. Him. You. Us. I am my own love, I wouldn't be created/I wouldn't exist if I didn't love myself. I mean in a micro and macro evolution way. I couldn't be the light I am if I didn't have love for myself. And according to the string theory, or how I percieve the string theory to work, I wouldn't exist with out the binding that love allows us to fall into. A suspension created by the push and pull of energy. Pureness. Joy. Sadness. Balance. Balance is created by the counteractive movement amongst similar moving elements. Every action has a reaction.... wait, science won't help me explain this thought.
Sometimes I am afraid that there is one thing I'll do, that will make VV not love me. I want to be secure in myself enough to realize that only I can change this prophecy. Snide comments hurt my feelings. I am thankful to have a few moments to be with myself. Our relationship has been so intense and constant since we met, that I have had little time to step away and ask myself if this is what I want. Sitting here, I am confident that he, and this, iS what I want, but my fear remains in my past experiences, me constantly saying "I don't know how to do this!" I am not romantic enough, does he like romance even, what can I do to be better. I feel like what I have to give right now is not enough. This is why I need to approach it in a new way that expresses my own self love. I don't have time to hang out with my friends, because he plans in so much advance, that when I find out things that are going on with my people, I am already booked. I want to share him with my life. Or rather, I want to share my life with him. And I haven't quite found that balance yet. I need to balance/smooth/create my new relationship with St. I suppose I didn't have time to do that. We were not coordinating and not communicating effectively and then he left for the weekend, and then all fell into place naturally. But unfortunately left St. out of the loop. Sometimes, you have to know when to stay or go. And he goes. And I stayed. 'And that has made all the difference.'
Two paths, many paths, one way.
Open your eyes, and you will be pleased and distracted along the way.
Keep them closed and the signs will direct you to your light.
Feel your way through life.
Speak your way through truth.
Touch your way through to the heart.
Sing and dance your way into ecstatic oblivion.
See your way as forward not straight.
Taste your way through breathy kisses.
Listen for your way when the trees rustle.
When the doves cry.
When the horn is blaring.
When you can't shut the world up, turn it up louder. And shake with it.
Earthquakes Mistake::
is that we all were born to dance.
----
Well, he went. I stayed. Now he is staying. And I am off.
Stagnant vs. life
later vs now
If only he knew. If only I could explain. Do I need to explain? Can I explain? I am in it, the way a diving bell suspends in the ocean, and it suspends the divers life. I am bouyant. I am filled. I have the breath that gives life. I give life. I am life. But is that enough for love. (Or replace all those 'life's with 'love' and that 'love' with 'life')
Not even a full month, and I feel like my life has been taken over. I am trying to integrate it. I want to be a person who is happy in a relationship. Instead of feeling tied down, always on someone else's schedule, I want to plan my own schedule, and feel as though the hot air balloon is always lifting. Opening new views, exploring everywhere, tasting everything, being all and all being. I am me. Love.
----
I am done.
Sometimes I am afraid that there is one thing I'll do, that will make VV not love me. I want to be secure in myself enough to realize that only I can change this prophecy. Snide comments hurt my feelings. I am thankful to have a few moments to be with myself. Our relationship has been so intense and constant since we met, that I have had little time to step away and ask myself if this is what I want. Sitting here, I am confident that he, and this, iS what I want, but my fear remains in my past experiences, me constantly saying "I don't know how to do this!" I am not romantic enough, does he like romance even, what can I do to be better. I feel like what I have to give right now is not enough. This is why I need to approach it in a new way that expresses my own self love. I don't have time to hang out with my friends, because he plans in so much advance, that when I find out things that are going on with my people, I am already booked. I want to share him with my life. Or rather, I want to share my life with him. And I haven't quite found that balance yet. I need to balance/smooth/create my new relationship with St. I suppose I didn't have time to do that. We were not coordinating and not communicating effectively and then he left for the weekend, and then all fell into place naturally. But unfortunately left St. out of the loop. Sometimes, you have to know when to stay or go. And he goes. And I stayed. 'And that has made all the difference.'
Two paths, many paths, one way.
Open your eyes, and you will be pleased and distracted along the way.
Keep them closed and the signs will direct you to your light.
Feel your way through life.
Speak your way through truth.
Touch your way through to the heart.
Sing and dance your way into ecstatic oblivion.
See your way as forward not straight.
Taste your way through breathy kisses.
Listen for your way when the trees rustle.
When the doves cry.
When the horn is blaring.
When you can't shut the world up, turn it up louder. And shake with it.
Earthquakes Mistake::
is that we all were born to dance.
----
Well, he went. I stayed. Now he is staying. And I am off.
Stagnant vs. life
later vs now
If only he knew. If only I could explain. Do I need to explain? Can I explain? I am in it, the way a diving bell suspends in the ocean, and it suspends the divers life. I am bouyant. I am filled. I have the breath that gives life. I give life. I am life. But is that enough for love. (Or replace all those 'life's with 'love' and that 'love' with 'life')
Not even a full month, and I feel like my life has been taken over. I am trying to integrate it. I want to be a person who is happy in a relationship. Instead of feeling tied down, always on someone else's schedule, I want to plan my own schedule, and feel as though the hot air balloon is always lifting. Opening new views, exploring everywhere, tasting everything, being all and all being. I am me. Love.
----
I am done.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
and my dreams were whisked away by reality...
Facing the music in dance livity
Walking shoulder to shoulder in this city
Thoughts are spoken inevitiably
And we bloom radiantly.
Days spent smiling.
In comfort
in embrace
in good company
in this rat race.
Nothing is lost,
the way is just beginning to be lit
lamp by lamp
the darkness fades
and we breathe light.
Beauty is exposed for all that it isn't
and is
And unfurls it's warm embrace for us to feel.
((And my dreams were whisked away by reality))
My feet began this journey
trudging the deep dark streets
And I will walk forward to seek what I cannot see, but I know/believe.
My hair is only exterior.
Good things come to those that wait... really.
VV!
Love has a funny way of spilling over when you think you've had too much.
Or not enough.
The sun is always shining.
God is in your own heart.
Guides are on every corner.
Lives are simply lived.
Kisses freely given.
I love.
Walking shoulder to shoulder in this city
Thoughts are spoken inevitiably
And we bloom radiantly.
Days spent smiling.
In comfort
in embrace
in good company
in this rat race.
Nothing is lost,
the way is just beginning to be lit
lamp by lamp
the darkness fades
and we breathe light.
Beauty is exposed for all that it isn't
and is
And unfurls it's warm embrace for us to feel.
((And my dreams were whisked away by reality))
My feet began this journey
trudging the deep dark streets
And I will walk forward to seek what I cannot see, but I know/believe.
My hair is only exterior.
Good things come to those that wait... really.
VV!
Love has a funny way of spilling over when you think you've had too much.
Or not enough.
The sun is always shining.
God is in your own heart.
Guides are on every corner.
Lives are simply lived.
Kisses freely given.
I love.
Monday, May 26, 2008
my dreadlocks...
People love them. But do I ????
Do I love the attention I get for them? Do I ask for the attention I get for them. Do I want dreads anymore? Because I am about to cut them off! I was a kid when I started them. And I have changed so much. And they have changed so much. Have they changed me that much? Do they change me that much? It is good energy in one aspect and a cummulation of bad energy in another. People change their hair so frequently yet I have stayed the same. I have been trying to maintain this hippielook for years, always worrying if this or that make me look hippie enough. Its in you or it isn't. It isn't something you can put on. And I do feel beautiful with them, but they are beginning to affect my back and neck, my scalp, and even my vanity.
Do I love the attention I get for them? Do I ask for the attention I get for them. Do I want dreads anymore? Because I am about to cut them off! I was a kid when I started them. And I have changed so much. And they have changed so much. Have they changed me that much? Do they change me that much? It is good energy in one aspect and a cummulation of bad energy in another. People change their hair so frequently yet I have stayed the same. I have been trying to maintain this hippielook for years, always worrying if this or that make me look hippie enough. Its in you or it isn't. It isn't something you can put on. And I do feel beautiful with them, but they are beginning to affect my back and neck, my scalp, and even my vanity.
Help!
My back hurts. I need a massage. I want to cut my hair. I should go to the doctor.
---
Getting along in the wild dervish of a city. Stringing straight steps with puddle pirouettes. The ground is cold and my feet ache. Trudging up memories and dusty bunnies in dirty street corners. Its not even like that. It is so much more than that.
---
A storefront blooms radiantly.
A child smiles with glee.
People are drinking tea.
Jasmine breathes sweetly.
Kites floating for all to see.
I wish it was me.
---
The Sun rays fall on a Monday
Leaving whispers of warmth between my toes
I begin to feel the Moon rays of a Tuesday
And I can't seem to pile on enough clothes.
I've checked the face on every hour
As if time wouldn't pass me by
And I feel choked by numerous choices
and left behind by those moving ahead
Isn't this all natural
the way things are supposed to be
the way things have evolved to be
This is me, if I want to take it. THis is beautiful. I am going to make it. And I thank you. And I hope to meet you. And I am happy to be me. So for now that is what I will be. I have got to start a project in September. SHit! I have got to start a project now.
---
Getting along in the wild dervish of a city. Stringing straight steps with puddle pirouettes. The ground is cold and my feet ache. Trudging up memories and dusty bunnies in dirty street corners. Its not even like that. It is so much more than that.
---
A storefront blooms radiantly.
A child smiles with glee.
People are drinking tea.
Jasmine breathes sweetly.
Kites floating for all to see.
I wish it was me.
---
The Sun rays fall on a Monday
Leaving whispers of warmth between my toes
I begin to feel the Moon rays of a Tuesday
And I can't seem to pile on enough clothes.
I've checked the face on every hour
As if time wouldn't pass me by
And I feel choked by numerous choices
and left behind by those moving ahead
Isn't this all natural
the way things are supposed to be
the way things have evolved to be
This is me, if I want to take it. THis is beautiful. I am going to make it. And I thank you. And I hope to meet you. And I am happy to be me. So for now that is what I will be. I have got to start a project in September. SHit! I have got to start a project now.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
It was a mere thought
a twisted plot
engaging to hear
but came with a sneer
Encouraged openess
oneness
love your sis
play this
it was then, the music became an emotion and filled everyone up.
Filled some with joy.
filled some with noise.
and some with dirty thoughts.
Clean is supreme.
dreams are not just dreams.
and Jah is something(one who) you live(s).
------
It was when looks turned to stares.
they
undressed me.
carressed me.
messed me.
it was when I opened myself up I was hurt.
they
judged me.
didn't hug me.
left me.
it was when friends hated me.
they
pitied me.
needed me.
smothered me.
I couldn't be me.
clowns surrounded me.
beats flowed through me.
dancehall womanized me.
irealized the woman in me.
it was then music became meaning.
i
danced.
entranced.
so then the music became my beacon.
my portal.
my sort of.
out of body therapy.
a twisted plot
engaging to hear
but came with a sneer
Encouraged openess
oneness
love your sis
play this
it was then, the music became an emotion and filled everyone up.
Filled some with joy.
filled some with noise.
and some with dirty thoughts.
Clean is supreme.
dreams are not just dreams.
and Jah is something(one who) you live(s).
------
It was when looks turned to stares.
they
undressed me.
carressed me.
messed me.
it was when I opened myself up I was hurt.
they
judged me.
didn't hug me.
left me.
it was when friends hated me.
they
pitied me.
needed me.
smothered me.
I couldn't be me.
clowns surrounded me.
beats flowed through me.
dancehall womanized me.
irealized the woman in me.
it was then music became meaning.
i
danced.
entranced.
so then the music became my beacon.
my portal.
my sort of.
out of body therapy.
none and then some....
precocious..
calliope..
buzzing..
bee..
it's finally me..
budding..
flower..
living..
goddess..
eloquent..
essense..
rhyming..
timing..
unforgettable..
forgetful..
remember..
this..
moment..
omen..
space..
place..
entity..
molecule..
frozen..
embryo..
not mine..
divine..
powers..
that be..
it's in me..
i am she..
she is he..
te he he..
a mans mind and a womans body..
have that reeling feeling..
soaring..
heights..
flights..
drives..
kites..
pink heart shaped balloons..
funny cartoons..
singing in tune..
believing whats said..
thinking with the head..
more appropriate..
swinging in beds..
sleeping instead..
needing meds..
vitameatavegiman..
bacon..
liver from chicken..
allergies..
calliopes..
exctasy..
mushrooms..
fun rooms..
arts..
parts..
carts..
ivys..
lively..
jively..
blindly..
remarkably..
calliope..
buzzing..
bee..
it's finally me..
budding..
flower..
living..
goddess..
eloquent..
essense..
rhyming..
timing..
unforgettable..
forgetful..
remember..
this..
moment..
omen..
space..
place..
entity..
molecule..
frozen..
embryo..
not mine..
divine..
powers..
that be..
it's in me..
i am she..
she is he..
te he he..
a mans mind and a womans body..
have that reeling feeling..
soaring..
heights..
flights..
drives..
kites..
pink heart shaped balloons..
funny cartoons..
singing in tune..
believing whats said..
thinking with the head..
more appropriate..
swinging in beds..
sleeping instead..
needing meds..
vitameatavegiman..
bacon..
liver from chicken..
allergies..
calliopes..
exctasy..
mushrooms..
fun rooms..
arts..
parts..
carts..
ivys..
lively..
jively..
blindly..
remarkably..
rumi inspired- take what is in my hand...
I am not a robot
but understand the mechanics of life
and the funneling of cattle
its a battle with yourself
against others with no cause
no laws
no cares of unity
only deconstuct everything
I am indestructable
pay a high price for love
life long deductible
give me nothing but the best
if you have the greatest looking hand in the world
I'd take that.
but understand the mechanics of life
and the funneling of cattle
its a battle with yourself
against others with no cause
no laws
no cares of unity
only deconstuct everything
I am indestructable
pay a high price for love
life long deductible
give me nothing but the best
if you have the greatest looking hand in the world
I'd take that.
I am young!
Eager for truth
Yearning for love
Happy in the moment
Complacent about the future
I hope good things come forth
for you
for me
for all
I am a cornball
stringing sentences together like spiders spin webs
maybe a little less complex
I am an egress
I am a wolf
I am an owl
I am a deer
Now you see my tears
my exuberance
my inbetween yellow dream.
I am home
I am away
I am in the bustle created right outside my door
I more.
I am a lady
I am a baby
I am a grown woman
I am an enthusiastic human.
I like the stars
I love/hate my car
I am open for the sun's shine
I wait in line.
Wanting peace
Wrapping my mind around astronomical thought
bebop
hiphop
Roots gyal
beats fell
at my sunburnt feet
and I listened
and I paid attention to signs
rhymes
and rythyms
till my legs walked on their own
right into a rocksteady reggae system
a family mission
on the road to organized religion
it sounds good though
as if the smoke had cleared
and it was too near
to me, my body, my issues
Then the lights came up
Introducing, theatrics
funny antics
clown fantastics
and it was community
unity
eccentricity
travelling city to city
biddy diddy
oompahpah
tra la la
la la dee dum dum
I am happier than a sum
more equal than a mum
divided by my thumbs
and heart strums.
I am young!
Yearning for love
Happy in the moment
Complacent about the future
I hope good things come forth
for you
for me
for all
I am a cornball
stringing sentences together like spiders spin webs
maybe a little less complex
I am an egress
I am a wolf
I am an owl
I am a deer
Now you see my tears
my exuberance
my inbetween yellow dream.
I am home
I am away
I am in the bustle created right outside my door
I more.
I am a lady
I am a baby
I am a grown woman
I am an enthusiastic human.
I like the stars
I love/hate my car
I am open for the sun's shine
I wait in line.
Wanting peace
Wrapping my mind around astronomical thought
bebop
hiphop
Roots gyal
beats fell
at my sunburnt feet
and I listened
and I paid attention to signs
rhymes
and rythyms
till my legs walked on their own
right into a rocksteady reggae system
a family mission
on the road to organized religion
it sounds good though
as if the smoke had cleared
and it was too near
to me, my body, my issues
Then the lights came up
Introducing, theatrics
funny antics
clown fantastics
and it was community
unity
eccentricity
travelling city to city
biddy diddy
oompahpah
tra la la
la la dee dum dum
I am happier than a sum
more equal than a mum
divided by my thumbs
and heart strums.
I am young!
Sunday, December 02, 2007
(little fishy...hehe)
∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß ∑ß
∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙
(little fishy...hehe)
∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞
feelings on the wayward side
shut like a door
outside (inside)
in the cold (it's cold)
miserable winter
the leaves have fallen
the bark is bitter
so are my thoughts
wind through my knits
thick knee high socks
i'd like the wind to loosen my knots
i'd like time to stop it's watch
so i'd stop looking for it
passing it
and still waiting for it
i wish time would stop
so i'd have too much
and not know what to do with it
i don't know what to do with it
or mine
but i know there is enough
i've got to stretch my legs and out my arms
to grab hold of something
someone
love
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I have to learn how to hug and love myself, before i can give to someone else. and I keep asking myself, why don't I love myself enough to open up to someone and give them attention and a large part of myself that I know is beautiful. I am alot of things, but I It seems like I am living falsely recently. To people, I've maintained major distances. And show them very little of who I am. To potential new friends and even to my closest, oldest friends. I need to stop feeling ashamed for not being in a relationship. And not feel embarrassed when I am hanging out with couples, and arrive at events solo. I'm going to have that time. In the meantime, I am going to take a class at city college. and tackle my other obstacle of social situations. blah blah blah. I do love myself. I just don't know what to do with my life, what direction to go in, or where to be settled. Within and out.
p.s. uber dork out with the little hearts and fish banners. hahaha
∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ∞º˚˙
(little fishy...hehe)
∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞ ∑ß ˙˚º∞
feelings on the wayward side
shut like a door
outside (inside)
in the cold (it's cold)
miserable winter
the leaves have fallen
the bark is bitter
so are my thoughts
wind through my knits
thick knee high socks
i'd like the wind to loosen my knots
i'd like time to stop it's watch
so i'd stop looking for it
passing it
and still waiting for it
i wish time would stop
so i'd have too much
and not know what to do with it
i don't know what to do with it
or mine
but i know there is enough
i've got to stretch my legs and out my arms
to grab hold of something
someone
love
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I have to learn how to hug and love myself, before i can give to someone else. and I keep asking myself, why don't I love myself enough to open up to someone and give them attention and a large part of myself that I know is beautiful. I am alot of things, but I It seems like I am living falsely recently. To people, I've maintained major distances. And show them very little of who I am. To potential new friends and even to my closest, oldest friends. I need to stop feeling ashamed for not being in a relationship. And not feel embarrassed when I am hanging out with couples, and arrive at events solo. I'm going to have that time. In the meantime, I am going to take a class at city college. and tackle my other obstacle of social situations. blah blah blah. I do love myself. I just don't know what to do with my life, what direction to go in, or where to be settled. Within and out.
p.s. uber dork out with the little hearts and fish banners. hahaha
Thursday, June 21, 2007
and then there was one...
I don't ever know where to begin, but today I will start here. I want to write but my thoughts are muddled. Or the thought pulsing through my thinking muscle is not connecting with the nerves underneath the padded tips of my fingers. They feel like marshmallows. I forget quickly what I have to say and my right hand stumbles over to the erase button often. My emotions have been hiding, but I know something stirs within. There has always been something. Listless or not. My soul feels alot. And that is why it is hard for me to write.
My character was accused today. By a lifelong friend. And it made me feel sad but incredulous too. If it is a fear of my loyalty as a friend, then I want to defend that. I would never do what she thought I was capable of. Not thought of at all. Not desired. Not possible. Not a worry to waste energy on. But it was and so I had to go on and on about a thing I didn't feel any emotion about other than shock that it would cross my friends mind. That is really all I have to say about that.
But I still feel "everyday is good because of being alive" And this will pass over before the weekend has ended. At least in our hearts if not in our minds. Because I love this friend. And I see no harm in what I do. We are bound to bridge a gap with openness. blah blah blah....
My character was accused today. By a lifelong friend. And it made me feel sad but incredulous too. If it is a fear of my loyalty as a friend, then I want to defend that. I would never do what she thought I was capable of. Not thought of at all. Not desired. Not possible. Not a worry to waste energy on. But it was and so I had to go on and on about a thing I didn't feel any emotion about other than shock that it would cross my friends mind. That is really all I have to say about that.
But I still feel "everyday is good because of being alive" And this will pass over before the weekend has ended. At least in our hearts if not in our minds. Because I love this friend. And I see no harm in what I do. We are bound to bridge a gap with openness. blah blah blah....
So many changes happen within.
I don't ever know where to begin, but today I will start here. I want to write but my thoughts are muddled. Or the thought pulsing through my thinking muscle is not connecting with the nerves underneath the padded tips of my fingers. They feel like marshmallows. I forget quickly what I have to say and my right hand stumbles over to the erase button often. My emotions have been hiding, but I know something stirs within. There has always been something. Listless or not. My soul feels alot. And that is why it is hard for me to write.
My character was accused today. By a lifelong friend. And it made me feel sad but incredulous too. If it is a fear of my loyalty as a friend, then I want to defend that. I would never do what she thought I was capable of. Not thought of at all. Not desired. Not possible. Not a worry to waste energy on. But it was and so I had to go on and on about a thing I didn't feel any emotion about other than shock that it would cross my friends mind. That is really all I have to say about that.
But I still feel "everyday is good because of being alive" And this will pass over before the weekend has ended. At least in our hearts if not in our minds. Because I love this friend. And I see no harm in what I do. We will bridge a gap of thought with openness. blah blah blah....
My character was accused today. By a lifelong friend. And it made me feel sad but incredulous too. If it is a fear of my loyalty as a friend, then I want to defend that. I would never do what she thought I was capable of. Not thought of at all. Not desired. Not possible. Not a worry to waste energy on. But it was and so I had to go on and on about a thing I didn't feel any emotion about other than shock that it would cross my friends mind. That is really all I have to say about that.
But I still feel "everyday is good because of being alive" And this will pass over before the weekend has ended. At least in our hearts if not in our minds. Because I love this friend. And I see no harm in what I do. We will bridge a gap of thought with openness. blah blah blah....
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Things are just things...
and emotions are frivilous when spent on silly things.
And dishonesty and disbelief will ruin any relationship standing atop these things and emotions.
Watch out for lovesickness. It comes up from behind and throws a sack over your eyes.
Don't fall into every folly. It may reduce you to a fool.
Forget about me. What about you?
I'm gonna forget about you. And remember me.
I will live for me and see you on the hither side.
Things are just my imagination.
Imagine.
And dishonesty and disbelief will ruin any relationship standing atop these things and emotions.
Watch out for lovesickness. It comes up from behind and throws a sack over your eyes.
Don't fall into every folly. It may reduce you to a fool.
Forget about me. What about you?
I'm gonna forget about you. And remember me.
I will live for me and see you on the hither side.
Things are just my imagination.
Imagine.
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